Did you know: Disney retained X-Wing Miniatures Game players as highly paid consultants onThe Last Jedi? It’s true! The space battles you saw on the big screen were all developed on a private Vassal server called “BlueHarvest.” Wow! And to think mom said playing X-Wing could never get me anywhere in life.

Now, through an elaborate code-breaking subplot totally germane to the rest of my blog, I have managed to hack into that server and download the log files from those games. Behold, this never-before-seen development material…or don’t, if you haven’t seen the movie yet.

Warning: Last Jedi Spoilers below!!!!!

Spawning pilot: General Hux
38,972 point list ‘First Order Fleet’ loaded
Spawning pilot: Poe Dameron 2
41 point list ‘happy beeps’ loaded
* *** General Hux Rolls for Initiative: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
Failure to connect to player Poe Dameron 2…
* *** General Hux Rolls for Initiative: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
Failure to connect to player Poe Dameron 2…
* *** General Hux Rolls for Initiative: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
T-70 (Poe) performs move: Forward 4
T-70 (Poe) performs SLAM: Forward 4
* *** Poe Dameron Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Hit], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Poe Dameron Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Hit], [Hit], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Poe Dameron Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Hit], [Crit], [], [], [], [] ***
Spawning pilot: Omega Leader
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Omega Squadron Pilot
* *** OSP 1 Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Crit], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Defend: [Blank], [Blank], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** OSP 2 Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Crit], [Hit], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Defend: [Evade], [Blank], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* Poe Dameron 2 flips up the critical card: Weapons Failure*
* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
T-70 (Poe) performs move: Forward 2
* *** BB-8 Rolls to Fix Crit: [Crit], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***
T-70 (Poe) performs move: Tallon Roll Left 3
* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***
* *** OSP 2 Rolls to Defend: [Blank], [Blank], [Blank], [], [], [], [] ***
TIE/fo (OSP 2) dies
* *** Poe Dameron 2 Rolls to Attack: [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***
* *** OSP 3 Rolls to Defend: [Blank], [Blank], [Blank], [], [], [], [] ***
TIE/fo (OSP 3) dies
Spawning pilot: Crimson Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Crimson Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Crimson Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: “Crimson Specialist”
Spawning pilot: “Crimson Leader”
Spawning pilot: Cobalt Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: Cobalt Squadron Pilot
Spawning pilot: “Cobalt Leader”
Spawning pilot: Blue Squadron Veteran
Spawning pilot: Blue Squadron Veteran
Spawning pilot: Blue Squadron Veteran
Spawning pilot: Tallie Lintra
Spawning pilot: Red Squadron Veteran
Spawning pilot: Red Squadron Veteran
B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 1) launches Bomblet
B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 1) performs move: Forward 2
* *** CSP 1 Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Crit] ***
* CSP 1 flips up the critical card: Direct Hit*
B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 1) dies
* *** CSP 2 Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Crit] ***
B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 2) dies
* *** CSP 3 Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Crit] ***
B/SF-17 Bomber (CSP 2) dies
* *** “Crimson Specialist” Rolls for Bomb: [Crit], [Blank] ***
* “Crimson Specialist” flips up the critical card: Munitions Failure*
* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Blank], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
* *** Paige Tico Rolls to Fix Crit: [Hit], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
B/SF-17 Bomber (“Crimson Specialist”) drops Cluster Mines
* *** Captain Canady Rolls for Bomb: [Hit], [Hit] ***
* *** Captain Canady Rolls for Bomb: [Hit], [Hit] ***
* *** Captain Canady Rolls for Bomb: [Hit], [Hit] ***
Mandator IV-class warship (Captain Canady) dies

Spawning pilot: Kylo Ren
Spawning pilot: Zeta Specialist
Spawning pilot: Zeta Specialist
98 point list ’emo boys’ loaded
TIE (Kylo Ren) performs move: Forward 5
TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible
TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible
TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible
TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible
TIE (Kylo Ren) barrel rolls: Left as Forward as Possible
TIE (Kylo Ren) fires Homing Missile
* *** Kylo Ren Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Hit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***
* *** Resistance Hangar Rolls to Defend: [], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
Resistance Hangar dies
* *** Kylo Ren Rolls to Attack: [], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
TIE/sf (ZS 1) fires Homing Missile
* *** TIE/sf (ZS 1) Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Hit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***
TIE/sf (ZS 2) fires Homing Missile
* *** TIE/sf (ZS 2) Rolls to Attack: [Hit], [Hit], [Crit], [Crit], [], [], [] ***
* *** MC85 Star Cruiser (Raddus) Rolls to Defend: [], [], [], [], [], [], [] ***
rianjohnson: flips Leia Organa crew facedown
rianjohnson: flips Leia Organa crew faceup

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